To teach your children to greet when seeing your guests

To teach your children to greet when seeing your guests

On New Year's days, one of parents' worrying feelings is that their children refuse to greet adults when they come to someone's house or when someone visits their home. Parents may be in embarrassment in such situations.

Preschool children do not know what is right and what is wrong

A wrong thing influencing parents in teaching children is that their children must obey and do as what they teach or ask to since what is taught is basically right.
Nevertheless, they might forget some following facts:

- Preschool children do not know what is wrong or right. Hence the first thing parents should do is to help children be aware of wrongs and rights.


- Obedience is not a prerequisite for a conditional reflex to be formed. Good habits never come from strict enforcement of the orders from others.

- Despite not being qualified to analyze how wrong and right things are, children's ability goes ahead what belongs to knowledge. If children feel anything, it will be kept in young minds while all other which are taught are neglected.

Reminding children of greeting is not an effective way

When reminded of greeting someone, they do not find they should do what adults consider good and right. They think what they should do is to imitate behaviors from those who are around them. As a result, we learn that children have the same characteristics as their parents do.

For example, a couple always prevent their children from saying offensive or rude words while the parents hurt each other with them. The children naturally learn that they are not allowed to use them at their parents; it also means when the parents are not around, the children could let such words out at others.

If parents teach their children to greet others by reminding them, the children may find it is interesting to remind others. They are not aware that they should greet others. If they are reminded for so many times, they will dislike meeting people as they have to do frustrating greetings to others.

When meeting someone, people always reflex in defense. It is a conditioned reflex of human and animals as well. If a meeting gives a safe signal to children's brain, they then become outgoing and comfortable. Eventually, children may lack of confidence, communication and be afraid of meeting others if they are reminded to greet someone so often. They tend to isolate themselves as if they get into their closed shells to get safety.

Besides, children feel heavy pressure to be forced to do the greeting in front of a lot of people. They feel annoyed and unfair when adults expect greetings from them. If they do not greet, they would be regarded as really bad.

Even with their parents, children are expected to do the greeting while they do not have good reflex to greet their sons and daughters. Children easily find unfair and frustrated. If they are forced to do rudely, they may greet in lack of feelings or even in an annoying reluctance.

Older children apply perfunctory greetings in any situations. Avoiding to do is preferable. If it isn't avoidable, they will greet just as a habit and a duty without any interest. If they are scolded hardly, they may hate going out with their parents.

Children from primary level can analyze things. They soon recognize that their parents are not as polite as they are taught to be. They do receive neither a thank-you from their parents when they are helpful nor an I'm-sorry when their parents make mistakes. They find their parents steal things from their workplace, run when the traffic lights turn red, and be guilty of slander etc. Children copy their parents quickly. Bad habits develop, worrying their parents.

In another case, parents greet others but children do not. In this case, children may regularly do the greeting. Parents once remind them when they forget and then make them unpleasant in front of the others. Parents should know that forgetting may occur and making mistakes for some times is reasonable. If we scold and offend them at the time, they could be so annoyed and uneasy that they start to behave rudely. The bad habit of not greeting develops as a result.

Feeling ashamed to others and reminding children for only one time might result in uncomfort in children to go out with parents, to meet others and to do the greeting. Forcing or reminding children to greet due to parents' embarrassment is not recommended for developing good habit on children. This just causes the problem harder to handle.

How to influence the behavior of politeness on children

1. Parents should seriously greet, thank, be sorry, say goodnight to children. Do it to your own children. When kids are respected, they will act with good attitudes to deserve that. Then it is easier to teach children their behaviors.

2. Do not force children to greet or to do what parents want when being out with others. Help them feel comfortable and safe in socializing with people. They will act in effective communication and greeting words will come out naturally.

3. When children are over six years old and greeting habit has not been formed, parents should ignore the bad behavior that children may make. They can remind and teach them about the action later at home. Parents should also make apology when making mistakes. Strict laws even within families are best to form good habits for civilized life.

P.H.D Thu Huong